Well that was fucking rubbish.
It’s entirely possible that next week, and by extension the story at large, won’t be. There are component pieces here that are lovely, after all. The basic premise “the Rani destroys the world trying to bring Omega back” is… OK, I mean, yes, that sounds like a bad Big Finish plot, but it could in theory work. Maybe next week it will, and I’ll get to write a giddily excited review about the brilliant use of Susan or something.
Unfortunately, it’s this week.
Much of the problem is the rigid structure of the modern two part finale, in which one entire episode has to be spent being a breathless trailer for the real episode, culminating in a cliffhanger reveal of what the actual premise is. Even when there’s no shock reveal, as in The Stolen Earth, the cliffhanger is still generally just getting the Doctor to where the plot can begin. This does nobody any favors. The actual finale is left to still be an overly packed single episode, while the first half is left with strangely little to do. This problem can be successfully worked around, and sometimes even triumphantly so. The core trick is just to have the first episode be a mad sugar rush. The best ones—and they are to be fair some of the best episodes of the series—develop a clear identity of their own by just running around and audaciously breaking things. Think The Pandorica Opens, Bad Wolf, or World Enough and Time, or even The Sound of Drums. But it’s always navigating around that central problem of having a first episode that’s structured around waiting for the climactic reveal.
Here, however, this problem intersects another one: the numerous pitfalls of the “illusion world” trope. These can—indeed often are—lightweight affairs, because nothing actually counts. Often—as here—things are outright not quite real; in any case, it’s all going to get undone. But the even more fundamental problem is that your story is structured around ostentatiously withholding the core pleasures of your larger show. Whatever characters you tuned in to watch this week, they’re not here, replaced by wrong versions who are almost necessarily defined by being less fun. This is, once again, a navigable problem, Human Nature/Family of Blood being perhaps the most triumphant example.
But it is two significant problems for this episode to overcome, and each amplifies the other. The result is an episode that simply fails to have anything happen. FIfteen minutes in all we’ve managed to do is introduce the false reality. At thirty we get John Smith arrested so that he can actually interact with the plot. Up to this point no character has actually demonstrated meaningful agency. The Doctor gets to notice the tables thing, but that’s only a trigger for the move into act three, not a development in our or his understanding of the world. Act three, meanwhile, consists of nothing save for Archie Panjabi vamping and half-explaining the plot. Ruby literally just sits around on the sidelines failing to accomplish anything. The episode climaxes in a literal countdown to its own ending. Nothing happens. None of the explanations amount to anything other than “the Rani has an evil plan,” which we knew last week because the Rani appeared and having evil plans is what she does. It’s just fucking boring.
There are no shortage of things here that, if Davies bothers to actually write a story about them, could be great. There’s no shortage of deft and artful moments along the way of this slow ride to nowhere. But watching this on its own was a chore, and even if the overall finale turns out to be a strong one, this is going to be its weaker half.
- One of the biggest weaknesses is the general mess of the Rani as a character. Rather astonishingly, she’s not actually introduced here. At no point do we get a coherent recap of who she is—not so much as an “evil scientist.” Panjabi is always fabulous, but she plays two entirely separate characters, the ice queen who finds Mrs. Flood’s suggestion of being her mother “disgusting” and the manic lunatic who cackles and dances around her bone palace. Anita Dobson is separately delightful, as she has been for a year and a half, but she’s in the unfortunate position of only having gotten her character at the precise moment that character was superceded, leaving her still feeling like an odd decoration on an incoherent concept. None of it quite works.
- No, really, Russell T Davies seems to legitimately expect the audience to have gone and watched The Mark of the Rani. Which is a dubious thing to ask of anyone. They didn’t even give it a Tales of the TARDIS.
- OK. Let’s talk about the good bits. I remain excited to actually do a damn Susan story. Her split second intrusion into this story is once again a beat that makes the heart skip, and my fan brain positively salivates at the implications of paralleling her with Omega.
- I’m also charmed by the surprise use of Rogue, in a scene I broadly assume was filmed in Jonathan Groff’s closet. It’s an unexpected payoff of that cliffhanger, and “tables don’t do that” is a great line. But you’re left to wonder why Susan isn’t the one giving that information, so as to actually set her up coherently. Once again the sense is that Davies assumes he doesn’t need to do that—that everyone will just go do their homework.
- Loved the Unified National Insurance Team set, and its successful evocation of the UNIT set even before the bay doors. Also loved the horribly uncomfortable intrusion of homophobia, which cuts in like a shard of ice.
- Dementedly charmed by the return of Captain Poppy. There will be no apologies for Space Babies. Which, I actually think there probably should be a few apologies for Space Babies, but I admire the pluck.
- Conrad wishing for Fascism World, and the incoherence of Fascism World being the entire point of having Conrad do it is very good. The disability stuff is all far too proud of itself, but it’s got a nice “heart’s in the right place” energy, and it’s just always nice to see Ruth Madeley, who’s got “UNIT scientific advisor” down even more firmly than Jemma Redgrave has the still always odd Kate Lethbridge-Stewart. But this is one of the points I’m most optimistic about paying off.
- Also fucking lol at the Harry Potter cover for Conrad’s fash version of Doctor Who.
- And the giant bone creatures. Love the giant bone creatures. Very Ancestor Cell.
- Omega being first of the Time Lords has interesting implications for the Timeless Child, as does Susan apparently both lying in the Doctor’s future and being tacitly linked to Omega. See also Susan inventing the name TARDIS.
- But see, this episode is bad enough that I’m ending the review talking about the Timeless Child. Ugh.
Ranking
- Lux
- The Story and the Engine
- Joy to the World
- Lucky Day
- The Interstellar Song Contest
- The Well
- The Robot Revolution
- Wish World
